A Sister in Zion

The Love I Still Have

As you all are well aware, I am in the middle of my divorce. I have been doing a lot of reflection these last couple days since coming out with that information.

Looking back on my marriage, I remember the hard times, the struggles, and the tears. But I also remember all the good! I remember the laughter and the jokes. I remember laying in bed late at night talking about the future. And you know what? That’s painful.

I have felt every emotion possible. Anger, disappointment, fear, hate, love, joy, gratitude, and so many more. The one thing I have come to realize, it’s okay that I feel these emotions! It’s okay to work through them because in time, the good always wins out over the bad.

This morning as I was thinking about where I am at in life, I realized how much I have lost. I have lost the man I loved and planned to spend the rest of eternity with. I lost a family that I very much felt I was a part of. I lost our friends and life I thought I was going to live.

But at the same time, I have the chance to gain so much. I have the opportunity to love and be loved again. I have the chance to become a part of another family. I will make more friends. I have the chance to start fresh. To be happy.

As I reminisce on all the good that has come from my marriage and the good I experienced during it, I realized I still love my husband. How can I not? I have spent the last two years of my life with him!

The love has just changed. I am not in love with him. I love the times we spent together going on adventures. I love the times we danced around the kitchen and butchered dinner so bad we had to go to Taco Bell instead. I love what he taught me and I love the growth that has come from this experience.

My husband may not be the man I will spend the rest of my life with, but he will always be a part of who I am and who I have become. I will forever be grateful for that!

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