A Sister in Zion

Looking Inward

I have loved being able to share my experiences and life events with all of you! It has helped me process my thoughts, understand some bigger concepts, and heal. This has also been a big learning experience for me as well. I have learned more about the gospel, more about some of you, and more about myself.

As I have been writing over the last couple weeks, I realized I wanted to share some of my weaknesses. Not to garner support or for anyone to refute them but because I have really had to learn what these weaknesses are so that I can be better prepared for my future marriage and family.

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I have many weaknesses! Too many to count really! But these are what I think are my biggest ones:

  1. Communication: When it came to my marriage, I felt like I failed in expressing my feelings. I struggle with this not only in my marriage but in my life. I have always been told that communication is key to a happy life and marriage and I agree. There have been many times when I have kept my mouth shut because I am either afraid to say something or I don’t feel like it will help the situation. Too often I have hid my feelings or thoughts because I felt like it would be better to put a smile on and push through the crap. I don’t like to reflect on those painful feelings. I enjoy being happy! But at the end of the day, if I don’t share what is bothering me, then there can be no progress.
  2. Nit picking: I used to believe I didn’t do this! I had a conversation the other day that kind of put this in to perspective for me though. I think this was the most prevalent in my marriage. I would nag about stupid little things like putting the toilet seat down or putting clothes in the hamper. I think I stuck to those little things because I felt like they were the easiest things to change. However, the little things don’t matter! Would it be nice for a spouse to put a toilet seat down? Sure! But is it really worth arguing over?
  3. Lack of confidence: This affects my life more than I want it to. I will be honest guys… I am not confident. I have moments where I am or certain skills that I feel pretty good about and I try to hold onto those feelings but I just can’t. The problem with this is it affects different aspects in my life. When I was married, it would affect intimacy and feeling pretty enough. In dating, I always feel like there is a better girl out there that could make the guys I date so much happier. I recognize I should be confident but I’m just not. And it takes time to get to that point! So if you have any ideas on how to build confidence, PLEASE share them with me!
  4. Fear of disappointing: This gets me worked up like nothing else. I hate the idea of letting someone down. I get the wiggly sick feeling in my stomach when I feel like I have disappointed someone, even if I actually haven’t. Because of this fear, I tend to people please. So I stretch myself thin trying to make everyone happy and I lose my own happiness. This is something I have actually been getting better at this and its progressing faster than the other weaknesses.

Keep in mind these are just a couple of my many weaknesses! As I reflect on them I am reminded of the scripture in Ether:

Ether 12: 27 “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

It is so hard to admit our weaknesses. No one likes feeling or looking weak or flawed! But just like in this scripture, our weaknesses can become strengths through grace and humility! Don’t be afraid to share your weaknesses. It could just make you all the better for it!

 

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One thought on “Looking Inward

  1. Hey Syd… As far as your #1, I’ve come a LONG way since I was first engaged. But I am STILL working on communicating. I highly, highly recommend For All Eternity by Dr. John Lund. It truly was life changing for me and my communication style. I listen to it regularly, even as a single lady. And if you’ve already listened to those, well, then do it again! They’re the best.

    Liked by 1 person

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